This is another piece I had written a year or so ago and it came back to me today. I was reading through some of my past writings and came across this. I came to realize how far the Lord has brought me, but I see there is still soooo much more work to do. I keep working on attitude with my son and I see my Father is working on attitude with me. I was getting frustrated, thinking, just how many times do we have to takkle this lesson, and then I relized, God has been working with me for 48 years, I've only been working with my son for 14.( he will be 15 on 7/14) My pastor has spoken of dilligence, well God sure has been dilligent with me, and I have been known to grumble and complain.( oh no not another lesson not learned) Oh will I ever learn?
Living with the Lunatic in My Mirror
STOP your anger. Turn off your wrath.
Don’t fret and worry, it only leads to harm
Psalm 37:8
I have been told, “Write what you know.” Well, I know anger, frustration and sin. Frustration (that is fret & worry) and the anger that comes from it is sin.
Today as I stormed through my house, in the middle of a conflict with my 12- year old son, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. What I saw there was not pretty, loving or even sane. What I saw was what I had seen on my mother’s face when I was a child. A look that had made my blood curdle in fear and later boil in rage. It was also the same look I had seen on the dear face of my son as he screamed in defiance and frustration. It was the look of being out of control and not having a clue. I had learned it as a child, and taught it as a mother.
I’d like to tell you that it stopped me dead in my tracks, but I can’t. It was only later, after we were in separate parts of the house & each of us stewing in our pain & frustration, that my Heavenly Father brought the images to my mind’s eye, of my mother, my son and myself. At first my heart was broken and I was horrified, oh if only I could have stayed in a broken state. But NO! I had to make excuses and try to justify myself. “I’m a single mom and I’m trying so hard to be everything to everyone. Mom, Dad, homemaker, cook, chauffer, employee, choir member, secret sister, friend. It is all too much and I am only one person, Don’t I DESERVE respect and help? Of course I am going to yell and get ugly sometime!”
Even as I was thinking these things, I knew that I was wrong. I have choices and sometimes I have made poor ones. I had to handle everything by myself because I had chosen to. I am a child of The King, He promises to be Husband to the widow and Father to the fatherless. I was not consulting my Heavenly Husband. I had not taken the son He had blessed me with back to his Heavenly Father. I was in sin. My anger and frustration came directly from my sin.
Oh! How thankful I am to have a God, who is faithful, loving and patient. He forgives and corrects me. His Love is perfect and complete. He promises that He will love me even when I am the “Lunatic in the Mirror.”
Don’t fret and worry, it only leads to harm
Psalm 37:8
I have been told, “Write what you know.” Well, I know anger, frustration and sin. Frustration (that is fret & worry) and the anger that comes from it is sin.
Today as I stormed through my house, in the middle of a conflict with my 12- year old son, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. What I saw there was not pretty, loving or even sane. What I saw was what I had seen on my mother’s face when I was a child. A look that had made my blood curdle in fear and later boil in rage. It was also the same look I had seen on the dear face of my son as he screamed in defiance and frustration. It was the look of being out of control and not having a clue. I had learned it as a child, and taught it as a mother.
I’d like to tell you that it stopped me dead in my tracks, but I can’t. It was only later, after we were in separate parts of the house & each of us stewing in our pain & frustration, that my Heavenly Father brought the images to my mind’s eye, of my mother, my son and myself. At first my heart was broken and I was horrified, oh if only I could have stayed in a broken state. But NO! I had to make excuses and try to justify myself. “I’m a single mom and I’m trying so hard to be everything to everyone. Mom, Dad, homemaker, cook, chauffer, employee, choir member, secret sister, friend. It is all too much and I am only one person, Don’t I DESERVE respect and help? Of course I am going to yell and get ugly sometime!”
Even as I was thinking these things, I knew that I was wrong. I have choices and sometimes I have made poor ones. I had to handle everything by myself because I had chosen to. I am a child of The King, He promises to be Husband to the widow and Father to the fatherless. I was not consulting my Heavenly Husband. I had not taken the son He had blessed me with back to his Heavenly Father. I was in sin. My anger and frustration came directly from my sin.
Oh! How thankful I am to have a God, who is faithful, loving and patient. He forgives and corrects me. His Love is perfect and complete. He promises that He will love me even when I am the “Lunatic in the Mirror.”
Posts
1 comment:
Hi Nancy,
Nice to see you! Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the sweet comments. I've had internet connection problems today, so I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. Have a great 4th of July!
Post a Comment