Loved Beyond Measure

In God We Trust.

2009-02-12T22:17:00.000-08:00

As we are preparing for the "Colorado Homeschool Day at the Capitol".
I have been thinking a lot about our theme this year and what it means to me. My son and I are Chairing the committee for the displays and the first time ever poetry contest. Kev is also very involved with the skits and teaching for the younger children. It is a joy to see him blooming and coming into his own. Our theme for this year is "In God We Trust"
I wonder, What does this really mean? Do I totally trust Him? do I trust in myself and then scream like a little child "Daddy Help!", when I have made a total mess of things? Have I turned my children and my finances and every aspect of my life over to Him, or do I still have a death grip on my life and loves?
I am learning that God does not tempt me, but that He does test me. In the midst of my trials am I like Job or like his wife. Do I praise Him even in the midst of the trial or am I tempted to "curse God and die?" As I read the Psalms, I see so much written about the trials. As a matter of fact the Bible is filled with trials and tests. Old and New Testaments a like are filled with the trials and tests of God's people and even of the Saviour Himself. God says He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, so why am I so shocked that there are trials and tests in my life? God loves me and I should count it all joy. He loves me enough to stretch and grow me. He is refining me, and drawing me to Himself. Instead of feeling picked on, abused and rejected, I pray I will see it for what it is. The Most High, Supreme, God, Loves me and calls me His child. I have been adopted and I am a full heir. It is my own selfish, sinful pride that tempts me, but it is my Loving, Sovereign Lord Who tests me. Sin is my choice and is an abomination. Tests are the Lord refining and purifying me.
This may all seem very obvious to some people, but I am a little slow sometimes and so this is mind boggling to me. I think I have grip on the whole concept and then I see it goes even deeper.
Can I truly say In God I trust, or is it more honest to say I am still learning to trust? He is worthy and it is His due. I believe that it must start in the hearts and lives of men and women, then our children see by example and then our nation.
I am still processing this and the Lord is still working on me with this one, so I am sure there will be more in regards to this. Right now I am overwhelmed by all that is running through my heart and head. So I will have to continue with this over time.
All I do know for sure is that I am so grateful He loves me and that I not He, have come up short and lacking.

God's Grace and Mercy

2009-01-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

Ok, as promised I am going to give you just a little insight into our past year. Our adventure started on Dec 28, 2007 with a phone call. A phone call I will never forget, it was a call like non other and I pray there will never be another like it. Accusations were made and I thought this is crazy, so far fetched and beyond my comprehension. Honestly, I thought it all was a bad dream. then an interview with an police officer and in February we were told charges had been brought. NO WAY, this is a nightmare, Dear God Help us, this can not be. Well it was and the Lord was there every horrible, miserable step of the way. We went through a time I pray no other parents or sons or daughters ever have to go through. Although I know we are not the first and sadly we will not be the last, this will happen to. The first thing I did was call the Elders in my church and they were there. My precious son and I were not alone. Let me tell you, I am so very grateful for my Elders and for their wives. One in particular has become a dear friend and she is my sister. I love her, she has seen and heard me at my worst, yes, there were tears and tons of frustration. I would love to tell you that I kept it together and trusted the Lord all along, sadly the truth is I ranted, raved complained and wept. The momma bear in me came out and I turned to this and another precious sister. My son turned to the dear dear men in our church. There were a few who knew everything and they were there for my precious son. I have been blessed to see a boy who started out with a huge chip on his shoulder, he had always felt betrayed and neglected. His father had been gone since he was 6 months old. He had been praying for a Dad since he was a small boy of 5 or 6. He was angry and hurt, he saw boys with their dad's and now this? "What does God want from me?" he asked. He found out. God wanted everything, He wanted total surrender and He wanted this boy to cry out to his Father. His Father who had never left him or forsaken him. To his Father who had heard every prayer and seen every tear, who knew his deepest fears and who loved him as no other. The Father who longed to have his son come to Him, to call out and to seek Him. This Father loves this young man so much that He was willing to do whatever it took to turn the boys heart to his Father. I have seen and am seeing this young man change from an angry boy to a loving young man. He has been through the valley of the shadow of death and he was not alone. His Father, was there and He had other men there with this son. My son now sees he is blessed and has many fathers, and that his Daddy is bigger and more loving than any of them. From a boy who only read his Bible when he was told, to a young man I catch reading and studying his Bible at all hours. From a boy who protested when asked to pray, to a young man who now loves to pray.
This past year, there were times that it looked as though my precious son was being railroaded, and that there was no hope. From a public defender who wanted to plea, and did not have time to fight, to a DA who wanted a conviction no matter what it took. Social Services, Guardian Ad-Lidem, Pretrail release, bond, booking, call in everyday, check in everyday every time we went anywhere or did anything. My son was "tomato staked" to me for just over a year. We were always together. What at first sounded like it would be a burden, became a huge blessing. I got to know my son, really know him. I have always loved him but I really like him. He is funny, with a dry wit. He loves to cook and bake. He is passionate and amazing. He has a passion for life and a depth of spirit I never imagined. He is an inspiration to me, and I am blessed to be his mother. I am beginning to see the man he will become, and I really like what I see. I see a 15 1/2 year old who knows the value of friendship and who cherishes those in his life. This was a rough time and it was scary at times, but through it all God was in control and on January 14, 2009 charges were dropped and victory was His. 13 long months and the Lord was there all along, we praise His Holy Name and sing of his Glory. The Lord fought this battle and triumphed. Victory was not just had in that court room, but the great battle was fought and won in the hearts and lives of God's children. My son knows that the victory is the Lord's and now he loves and is committed to his Father in Heaven. He is now leading us in family worship and will be leading, with the guidance and direction of the dear men in our church, a bible study in February. This was not even possible a year ago. My heart is overjoyed and there is joy, real joy in the Lord. In November 2007, I prayed that the Lord would grab a hold of my son's heart and that He would do whatever it took to convict him of God's love. I prayed that it would truly be well with my soul, and I know that God loves and answers the prayers of His children. I can say to you

"It is Well With My Soul"

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,It is well, with my soul,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine, for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,The sky, not the grave, is our goal;Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,Even so, it is well with my soul.
Refrain

words written by Horatio G. Spafford
This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.

What I have been up too! A Moderen Day Miracle.

2009-01-19T16:21:00.000-08:00

I have been very busy working on my business website and getting some advertising with Facebook. I love to sew, and my business website is www.bloomersnmore.com I am preparing for Valentines and for Easter. I have a facebook account and am now advertising with them, let's see how cost effective this is. Oh I also have an account with ETSY. I am finally really into the mind set to push my business. I am amazed how much clearer my mind is now that a year long trial has finally come to an end.

Okay, let me back up to November 2007. As usual I was unable to sleep and being in chronic pain I was fighting depression. At about 3 in the morning, I cried out to the Lord, my heart heavy and overburdened. My then 14 year old son was rebelling and I could see his heart hardening and I just could not seem to reach him, as I said I was in pain, overwhelmed, depressed and I had reached a point of total desperation. I was listening to some hymns trying to calm my spirit, when "It is Well with My Soul" come on. Oh how I pleaded with the Lord that early morning for that to be real for me and not just words to a song I would sing. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to do whatever it took to take me to that place, and for Him to do whatever it took to soften my son's heart and to make it soft and fleshy, and filled with a longing and yearning for His Word and for His ways. I am reading my journal and I can tell you, these were cries from the depth of my soul and the bottom of my heart. I just knew we could not continue as we were.

Let me tell you the Lord answers prayer, oh, and in ways you cannot imagine. Come on this incredible journey with me.

Health

2009-01-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

Oh to be healthy. when I think of what that means, sadly physical health is what comes first to mind, this is fleeting and will pass away. Eternal health is what I seem to lacking and what I should be seeking, more than physical health. the Lord is constantly working with me and on me. I am amazed at His faithfulness.

Oh to be Hot or Cold

2008-12-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

" I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold not hot I will vomit you out of my mouth.

Revelations 3:15-16

These words have taken on a deeper more personal meaning to me, recently. I was standing in a gloriously hot shower after not having hot water for 2 days, I was praising the Lord for His blessing, which are new everyday. When it hit me , the beauty of hot or cold water.

When I am cold and or dirty,only a hot shower will do. A cleansing, warming, renewing hot shower. Hot tea, hot coffee, hot chocolate, there is a theme here , HOT!

On the flipside is the beauty of cold. On a hot summer day, a clear cool drink of water is what refreshesses. A dip in a cool pool of water is WONDERFUL. Iced Tea or a glass of ice cold lemonaide.

The Lord teaches me so many of the lessons He wants me to learn with illistrations. I just learn better that way. He tells me to Cold or Hot and then He lovingly shows me the beauty and glory of what he means in terms my feeble mind can understand. He shows me that not only does He want me Cold or Hot ans His word says, but He wants me to what He wants, WHEN He wants. Once again I am to trust Him to show me His will and to Obey.

Trust and Obey.

This sounds so simple, yet somehow it seems to be something I struggle with constantly. Do I trust Him? The answer is found in the question, Do I obey Him?

Lukewarm is neither refreshing of renewing. Many times I have dumped out lukewarm drinks. No one wants a lukewarm drink. The Lord says that if I am lukewarm, He will vomit me out of His mouth.

So today I pray to be Cold or Hot in His perfect time, and to follow the One Who loves me and chose me . I so desire to be His handmaiden and to follow my Lord and Master, wherever He may lead.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T18:14:00.001-08:00

I say Merry Christmas with a joy and awe I have never known before. I am so where I need to be at this time in my life. I am stuck in awe of the Awesomeness of God. For the first time in my life I have joy at this time of year. I know that sounds strange, but it is true, at age 48 I for the first time have joy.Growing up from about Oct 29,(mom's birthday- Valentines Day) our home was a virtual battle zone. Oh we looked good from the outside but inside was a totally different picture. As an adult it wasn't any better. December 12,(many years ago) my beloved went home to the Lord. Pain and suffering are the things I always associated with this time of year.
This year is so different, the Lord has put joy, real joy in my heart. I'm not talking giddy schoolgirl silly, that passes just as quickly as it comes, but joy. The kind that is with you all the time. It is there when you wake up and when you go to sleep, it is there when you are doing something for someone else or just washing dishes. This is the joy that passes all understanding and just leaves you in awe of God's righteousness and goodness. It is the joy that comes when you know you are loved ,loved by God who loves you because it pleases Him to do so.
I am in the best place I have ever been in in my life and I pray that I stay right here in the arms of THE ONE Who truly loves me.

Warmth

2008-12-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in my nice warm home, I am so very grateful. This time last night was such a different story. We returned home last night, after a glorious day spent in worship and fellowship with the Lord and the Lord's children, ( I love the Lord's day), anxious to get in out of the cold. The outside temp was -19, imagine our surprise when it was as cold inside as it was outside. The pilot light on the furnace had gone out sometime during the day. We tried to light the pilot light, this was not to be. Okay now what? For the first time I am so grateful I am a renter and not a home owner. I called after hours maintenance. If I owned that would mean a service call after hours fee, +. after I woke the poor guy up and made him come into the cold and my cold home, he tried to light the pilot light. Not happening for him either. A switch had gone out, he had the part in his truck, he had to work on it and change it in the cold with no way to warm his hands, I felt bad for him , but not bad enough to send him to his nice warm home, until he had fixed my furnace. ;-) Finally, after about an hour and a half, the pilot light was lit. So Kev and I grabbed all the blankets and comforters, and brought them to the living room, turned on the Christmas lights, put in the Christmas cd's we have, put the fireplace tape and made some hot coffee. We sat bundled up with our poor half frozen kitty and thanked the Lord for shelter, food and the coming warmth. At about 4 in the morning my dear son and I were able to take off our gloves and coats, but we stayed snuggled under every blanket and comforter we owned. By 8:30 the house was starting to feel closer to normal,we are experiencing one of the coldest Arctic fronts we have experienced in years.
As I sit here writing this I can laugh, yet at the same time I am sobered to think, I am so very blessed. Not for one moment did I doubt we would have heat,we always had shelter for the winds and blowing snow and we had food. We had an electric microwave and a gas stove and oven and we could cook and prepare something hot. We had hope. TO my thoughts and heart came all those out there without any of these luxuries. How truly blessed we are. Just a few short hours earlier Sunday evening we had been with other Christians, preparing letters and constructing little parachutes for the persecuted saints in other countries. So safe and warm and well fed. In my selfish sinful mind, I was thinking with pride, what a good thing I am doing. I was not really thinking about their sacrifices. Cut off my comforts and it is amazing just how quickly, I am humbled. I thank the Almighty Lord for humbling me, I also thank Him for heat. I still don't have hot water, But I can tell you , I am sure thankful for it. Tomorrow maintenance will be out to thaw pipes, and then I will be able to enjoy the joys of a nice hot shower again. The trial of the last 24 hours seem so minuscule in retrospect, when I really stop and think on the saints and their trials and persecutions. I thank the Lord for the one cold uncomfortable night we spent last night, and I thank Him that it was only one night.Once again I see I really am Loved beyond measure. And I am so sorry I have taken my blessings for granted.

Hannah's Prayer

2008-12-11T19:40:00.001-08:00

My heart is overwhelmed at the awesomeness of God and I believe that I truly now can share in the joy and wonder of Hannah as she prayed in I Samuel 2:1-10
And Hannah prayed and said, My heart exults in the Lord; my strength is exalted in the Lord. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation.
There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you;there is no rock like our God.
Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth;for the Lord is a God of knowledge and by Him actions are weighed.
The bows of the mighty are broken, but the feeble bind on strength.
those who were full have hired themselves out for bread, but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger. The barren has borne seven, but she who has many children is forlorn.
The Lord kills and brings to life; He brings down the Sheol and raises up.
The Lord make poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts.
He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ashe heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's and on them he has set the world.
He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked will be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail.
The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven.The Lord will judge to the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the power of his anointed.
I have and am seeing the Glory of the Lord at work. This past year He has taken us through the dark valleys and to the sun filled meadows. He is God and we are not. False accusations and trials have besieged us , yet God is still God and He chooses when and how He will be exalted. I have seen my son turn to the Lord and his heart soften, I have become more submissive to the will of the Lord and softer myself. He has brought us closer to each other and closer to Him.He has been steady and consistent. I have seen unbelievable obstacles and I am seeing God's hand on them all. the best I could dare hope for is not even close to the best God is providing. He is shining the light of truth in the darkness of lies and deception as only He can. I have seen the power of prayer, break down high strong walls. I am seeing hard hearts soften. I am in awe of the Awesomeness of the Lord. My words are not sufficient so I must repeat and rely on the words of Hannah and David in
Psalm 113
Praise the Lord! Praise , O servants of the Lord, Praise the name of the Lord!
Blessed is the name of the Lord from this time forevermore!
From the rising of the sun to its setting. The name of the Lord is to be praised!
The Lord is high above all nations and his glory is in the heavens!
Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high,
who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap.
to make them sit with princes, and the prices of his people.
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.
PRAISE the LORD!
All I can say is that the Lord is still at work, the trial is not over yet, but I know that is at hand in God's perfect time. Please continue to pray and to praise Him.
Humbly,

Unexpected Blessing!

2008-11-08T10:23:00.000-08:00

Blessings always seem to show up when and where I least expect them. I have had a very dear friend for since I was 12 or 13 years old. She was there when others were not , she knew about all the abuse when I was a kid and she has always been my friend, we were so close that even though she lived across the country, she called me on the phone while I was in labour with one of my children. We have always had a very close relationship. Even though it has been years since I have spoken with her, we lost track in the middle of some real trauma about 18 years ago. Now she is back in my life. I am thrilled, yet at the same time I am saddened. We have been through many simular things in our lives. The Lord has shown me so much grace and mercy and His Love. He is my Lord, Master and Saviour. My dear friend on the other hand does not see the grace, mercy and love of the Lord. I pray the Lord will somehow use me to plant some seeds and to be used of Him at His pleasure to show her His Love.
What does He want of me? I don't know all of it, but I do know He wants me to love and worship Him, to obey and honour. So that is what I must do.

Change

2008-11-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

Change is a part of life, and yes there is change coming to our country. I will not be fearful I will rejoice. Not because of the men and or women the world say are orchestrating the change, but because I know Who is in control and on the Throne. People may change , but God is unchanging and none of this surprises Him. I pray that this judgement takes us on our knees to the Cross. As a nation we have walked away from God. California won a victory, marriage is between one man and one woman. Colorado, once again lost. The Personhood Amendment went down in defeat, and my heart is broken, Tuesday night I sat in my living room and sobbed. I sobbed for the children, for the parents, for all of us. And Now we have a President-Elect who is blatantly and openly Pro-Death. I believe in choice, I have the choice to obey the Lord, Who loves me. I thank the Lord everyday for a mother who saw me as a human being and not a choice. She did not even know the Lord, and she was a prostitute, but in that day and time she knew I was a human being. Because she chose life, I am here, my sister is here, her 12 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren are here. Thou Shalt not Kill. That includes the unborn, the sick and the elderly.
Today as my 15 year old son and I were on our way back home after delivering a sewing job I had, we saw a sickly older gentleman sitting at a busy intersection ,there was something about him that touched our hearts. My precious son, said "Mom, there's got to be someway we can help" I do not give money, but I will give food. We went to McDonald's and brought some food back to this man, my son hopped out of the car and went over to this sweet man and gave him the food. This dear man had not eaten in almost 2 weeks, and he said that he had just prayed to the Lord for someone to bring food. We were an answer to his prayer. This old man was badly bruised and beat up, he could hardly move, he had been hit by a car and the driver had just driven away. He had been to and is returning to the VA hospital tomorrow, where they will set his broken arm. He served in Viet Nam and he carries the wounds and scars from that time. He is staying with friends for now and he thanks God for every thing in his life. Good and bad. What a special time with him today. God allowed us to be the bearers of His gifts today , and we were blessed beyond anything we could have dreamed. This man does not drink and he does not smoke. When you look at him you think , drunk bum. When god looks at him, He sees child. I have been humbled and blessed beyond all my expectations. I thank the Lord for my precious son, and for the love God gives everyday. What a joy it is to used of the Lord.
Sometimes I find myself, wallowing in self-pity and then the Lord shows me how He blesses.
Yes, change is coming, I will not fear it, because God is still alive, sovereign and on the throne. I will Praise Him whatever comes. I choose to notice and proclaim His blessings. All my hope is in the Lord, and I thank Him for the "bums" He puts in my life, and for the precious children.
And I will continue to call them what they are. CHILDREN, not CHOICES

Birthdays and time

2008-10-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my oldest turned 29, he is a wonderful man, husband to a precious woman and the father to 2 amazing children. Daniel is a hard working devoted man who loves the Lord and his family. I not only love this guy but I like him too. I remember the day he was born, after 36 hours of labor he came in at 9lbs. 5oz and has made a big impression all his life. I know that he is a grown man, and that he is 29, the problem is, that make me 48. I know where the years went for him, but wait just one minute, who said I had to get older too. I did not sign up for that. As my children grow up, get married, have babies and have these amazing lives of their own, sometimes I feel as though I am in a time warp. They don't stay young long enough for me, they can't grow up fast enough for them. I know that the Lord has a time for every season

Sorry

2008-10-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

It has been along time since I have updated my blog. I am sorry. A lot has happened, I will tell you some of it.
First my old 1988 GMC Jimmy finally bit the dust, it has now gone to the junk yard( final resting ground for all old tired cars.) With the help and guidance of a wonderful Deacon and his wife from my church I now have a very nice, 1999 Honda Odyssey. What a blessing.
Now we are seriously looking to move to Castle Rock to be closer to our church family. I have an online sewing business, I have been working very hard to get up and running. Please check it out. I will be adding pictures to some of the items in the next few days, and I am adding new product all the time. www.bloomersnmore.com
I have also been feeling a bit overwhelmed, I have been thinking a lot about when my own dear husband went home to the Lord. Sometimes it is very difficult to be a widow, single mom, lonely and facing each new day without someone special to share it with. This summer and now fall, 3 wonderful, precious young ladies in our church either have or are preparing to marry. It is a wonderful time, it is also very painful to know that I will never again gaze into the eyes of my beloved, hold his hand, hear his voice or feel his hand in the small of my back, as we stand side by side. I long to hear his voice of reason and wisdom, and to know that he truly had our best at heart. I yearn to hear his sweet baritone voice as he sang the "Lord's Prayer" Sometimes the pain is so real and intense it takes my breath away, yet I know that one day I will be where he is, because we both love and serve the same Lord. I know that he is singing praises to the Lord and I would not want him away from there for even one moment, but I miss him so.
I also know that the Lord says He is husband to the widow and father to the fatherless. And I am grateful beyond words and there is comfort in that. Yet sometimes I long to have my beloveds arms around me and to hear the sound of his heartbeat, strong and steady. This is just a small peice of what has been going on with me , and there is more, yet I know I am not alone.
Thank you for letting me ramble.

Family Camp

2008-08-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! We are back and we have been blessed more than we can say. Glorietta is beautiful and the accommodations are wonderful. The time of fellowship and worship was beyond amazing. We really concentrated on truly worshipping the Lord. The speakers were amazing because they spoke with conviction and love for and from the Lord. Kevin Swanson, has such a passion for the Lord, he is a gentle and kind man, who is truly transformed when he speaks of his Lord. He does not hold back, and he lives and loves with a passion that can only be from God. We are truly blessed to be able to know this man of God and his precious family, like all the Deacon's and Elder's at Reformation church they are beautifully and refreshingly, open and transparent.
Lanny Johnson, from the Alpha-Omega Institute in Grand Junction, put creation in terms that were not only fun and entertaining but so very open and transparent. He has a way that is so fun and entertaining, you don't even know you are learning. He spoke of "Worshipping the Creator in all things" He also showed us how all creation worships the Lord, truly Amazing.
Then there was Marcus Serven http://www.genevanfoundation.com/ and his family, what can I say? Wow, talk about a man and family who loves the Lord. He spoke of "Standing on Holy Ground- the Worship of God' and "Family Worship". These are not things he just spoke about , but these are things they live. Again and again, I was so impressed with the transparency of God and His people.
And then there was Nathan Clark George, this man and his music , has inspired my son. My Kevin plays the guitar and it is due in large part to the influence of this man. He is a full time musician , who has an amazing wife and family. We are always taken to a place of worship when we listen and sing along with him. I believe this is because he to is so (you guessed it ) transparent. He is humble and greatly in love with God. He even took the time to show my dear son the cords to "Alligator Shoes", and he signed Kevin's guitar. (It is being played, even as I write this) I am in awe how God's people selflessly and lovingly reach out and serve one another.
This is part of the mystery that is God, we act in ways that go against human nature. Awesome.
I see that I have used the word transparent numerous times, but that is what has stood out so boldly and vividly to me. What you see is what you get, there is no hidden agenda, no speaking from both sides of your mouth, only openness and honesty and Godly transparency.
What a refreshing, encouraging time, and what a huge contrast to what the world has to offer. This week in Denver, there is the Democratic National Convention. Needless to say the contract is overwhelming.
And then finally on a personal note I was able to launch my business Bloomers-n-More at Family Camp. The support and response were amazing and I have work. Please check out my website, http://www.bloomersnmore.com/ Jack Chapa, a young man from our church has been helping me with my website and has been so patient with me. I know sewing, all this computer stuff overwhelms me and is so intimidating. Give me a sewing machine any day.

Small things

2008-08-15T20:07:00.001-07:00

This past Wednesday afternoon, I was stung by a wasp on my right leg, it seemed to do ok. But by Thursday night I went to the emergency room , because my leg was swollen, fevered and very painful. I had cellulitus, a bacterial infection of the skin from the wasp sting. This can be very serious especially in diabetics. Praise the Lord I am doing better naow. Also as you know I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I am now on metformin and with modifying my diet, increasing exercise and losing weight, things seem to be getting better. The doc said we needed to get my body to stop working against itself. This made me think, how this whole situation with my leg started because of the bacteria on the wasp that stung me. That bacteria got into my skin from the puncture wound and then I was in a world of hurt. It is amazing to me how something so small can cause so much trouble, but isn't that the way of sin? Just one small little insignificant sin, say pride, is the the spirit as the bacteria was to my leg. Constantly, I am having to drop my sin at the foot of the Cross,I thank God that He is faithful to forgive and redeem.
We are preparing to go the "Renewing the Family Camp" in beautiful Glorietta NM this next week. This is something we look forward to every year and is the one vacation we make sure to take. This is our third year and we have been blessed beyond any expectations, Five glorious days of fellowship, love and worshiping the Lord.
I am so grateful that all my hope is in Jesus, without Him I could not handle any of what life hands me. I am weak and fragile, He is the strong, and unbreakable. What amazes me is that He loves me.

Why I say I am Loved Beyond Measure

2008-08-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

You may wonder why I say that I am loved beyond measure, I did not always believe that way. You see, I am the daughter of a prostitute, who chose life for me and not death. February 1960, I was born, and 10 months later my sister was born. As far as I can tell my birth mother spent her adult life in and out of prison for prostitution, which is all I know about her. There are some including my sister who do not understand, but I love her and I honor her. She gave me life.
When I was 6 my sister and I were separated and adopted, it would be 36 years before I would see her again. Adoption was not a good thing for me, there was a lot of abuse, both physical and emotional. The physical wounds healed, but the emotional I carried far into my adult life. I had often been told “that as a son I was someone they could be proud of, but as a daughter I was a disgrace.” I grew up hating being a girl and knowing that God hated me. I was also told that I was a big mistake and that the world would have been a better place if my prostitute mother had aborted me. I have always been grateful that she chose life for me. I do not know if she is still alive, but I love her and honor her because of the choice she made for me. I do not remember much of my birth father, but I do remember, he said he loved me. I found out that he died (just 5 years before the Lord showed me my birth family). I think he was trying to save us all, but I have come to know that we cannot save ourselves or others. Only the One True Triune God has the power to save.
As I grew up I was angry and rebellious. I kept getting into bad relationships; I believe that I sought them out. To my way of thinking, if you loved me, you abused me.
I have been raped, beaten and shot at. I was married to a man who had many mental problems and was an alcoholic. 5 children and many beatings later he finally left, oh I had tried leaving him, I even moved to a different state, but that proved to be very dangerous. The leaving had to be on his part, because we were property. He even tried to sell us for a carton of cigarettes and a case of beer. It didn’t even faze me at the time. I was so broken by that time, it didn’t matter. I was not allowed to look anyone in the face, I had been trained to keep my eyes downcast, and I learned my place. I was worthless and so were my children. I could not turn to my adoptive parents, because Mom died when I was 17, and Dad true to form disappeared. My Dad had a hard time; he had always had a tendency to shut off when things got bad. Dad was a workaholic and Mom was a prescription drug addict and an alcoholic. She died of cancer in 1977, after battling for years. But of course we only found out 3 months before she died. My parents were very stoic, private people. We looked like the perfect family from the outside, but on the inside we were a huge mess. I had an adopted brother too; we were adopted at the same time. So we were the perfect American family. I love my adoptive parents and I am grateful to them for doing the best they could, and I believe they loved me in their way. They were hurt and suffering themselves. Daddy, was aWWII vet, he had been listed as MIA then POW in France. He had been wounded and he carried a lot of baggage from that. Mom had been abused and abandoned on the streets of Philadelphia as a teenage girl during the Depression. The 4 of us were somehow supposed to be a family. Even though we went to church (I was raised Mormon) we were a mess. Mom had been raised Baptist and Dad, Presbyterian. Sometime shortly after they married they converted. When I was about 11 we moved from Alaska where we had lived for 2 ½ years, to Colorado, so my parents could become the legal guardians of my Dad’s sister’s 2 teenage children, after she had committed suicide. Dad and I had loved Alaska, Mom and Chris (my brother) had hated it. Growing up our home life was like that, 2 warring camps. Mom and Chris on one side Dad and I on the other. I think as children we chose sides out of a sense of self preservation. I find that I was always attracted to men who were emotionally distant, and who had a tendency to disappear. I also believe I was a lot like my birth father. I desperately wanted to save and rescue others. Little did I realize that I was the one who needed saving and rescuing.
As I have stated I was a very angry and rebellious teenager, I fought with one girl in particular a lot. We both came from “troubled” homes and we hated each other. After the last fight and expulsion, my parents decided I needed Structure and Discipline. So they sent me to a Southern Baptist private school. They had Chapel once a week and Bible every day, and they taught Creation. Most of my teacher’s were men, I remember 2 in particular. Mr. Nance, taught science and Mr. Dinwiddie taught math. These 2 Christian men made a huge impact on me. I saw them as they lived, not just in the classroom. Mr. Nance had a daughter my age, I saw her with him, and I passionately, and desperately wanted the relationship they had with my dad, but as I look back I find it strange, I was not jealous, I was drawn as a moth is to flame. Mr. Nance treated each of us with dignity and respect, he made you feel special and treasured. I can still remember how I felt as he spoke to me in my 8th grade classroom, of the loving caring God who had held me in His hands as He molded me and shaped me then placed me in my mother’s womb. That He had chosen the color of my eyes, the shape of my face. That He had formed each of my fingers and toes, just as He wanted. That each person was formed the same way, there were no duplicates or cookie cutters, and there were no mistakes. It was all done by the Master’s plan. I had never heard it explained that way before, and I knew in my young heart that what he told me was true. I had always struggled with math, my parents were mathematicians. They loved it, and it came so easily to them, not so with me. Mr. Dinwiddie is the one who explained that everything was designed by the Master and that it was done with care and purpose. There was no mish-mash, mumble-jumble. Mr. Dinwiddie made math come alive for me. I can’t say that I learned to love it, I am no longer afraid of it. He did however show me the love of the Master through math. Mr. Dinwiddie’s wife worked at the school and I saw how he treated her. It was such a drastic difference to what I saw at home. I clung to what I was learning at school, and it began to change me. I went to that school for 2 years, I would have rather been there than any other place on earth. My parents chose to put me back in public school, it may have had something to do with the way I was questioning everything, our home life, our beliefs, our church doctrine. Within no time at all I became angry and rebellious again, and was even worse than before. There was such a sense of betrayal and rage in me. I began to hate Christians and I knew that God hated me. I felt cheated and lied to. My own mother had not wanted me, my father had not wanted me, my adoptive parents did not want me, and I knew God did not want me. As I look back over my life I see that same pattern repeated over and over again.
I looked for and sought out relationships that were destructive. My first husband ended up eventually taking his own life. My life just kept spiraling down deeper and deeper into despair. I began to hate, really hate Christians. I came to despise the very thought of God, because I knew that He hated me or didn’t even care. I made very destructive choices in my life. My hope and faith was in humans not God.
My dear, precious second husband loved the Lord. I adored him so I tolerated his God. My husband became my god, and I worshipped him. I was happy with life, husband, and now 6 children. I was okay. It bothered my beloved that I would not turn to God, but as I told my love one day” what did I need God for when I had him?” God showed me. He took my beloved home. My life came crashing down around me. I broke, I was crushed and yet still I fought Him. My children went into foster care; I went to the state mental hospital .not once but twice. I lost my children and I tried, really tried to end my own miserable, tortured life. I failed at that. Finally, I gave up, there was just no fight left in me, I surrendered. All my life I believed that I was the only one I could count on, well it was all beyond me.
I was out of solutions or answers and I just wanted all the pain to stop. I could not take anymore. I was the living dead and I wanted to cease existing. I wanted to disappear into oblivion. I was helpless and hopeless. So finally, beaten, broken, abandoned and forsaken, on my face naked in the muck and mire that was my life. I cried out to God, from the very core of my being, and He heard me. He picked me up, held me in His arms, washed me clean, clothed me, and called me His own. He saved me, He did not have to. He did it because it pleases Him, He loves me, and He knows my name. He loves me, and I love Him. Not because of whom I am, but because He is Who HE is. He is everything, without Him there is nothing. The Almighty, all Powerful, Beginning and the End calls me His.
Adoption had always been a dirty word to me. It had been used to hurt. I had heard most of my life “this is my ADOPTED daughter, or my ADOPTED niece or Adopted cousin. Now it is a glorious word that bespeaks love. I now know that I am loved beyond measure. After becoming a Christian I was ecstatic but I found that I still did not belong, I did not belong outside of the church and I did not belong inside the church. I was to. To widowed, to single, to many wounds, to much spiritual baggage, to unchurched, to questioning, to bold, to spiritually dirty, to fat, to needy , not needy enough, to independent, to dependant. I was just to. So I learned to disappear in church, I became the invisible, visible. I am sure you have seen them, you know who they are, and they know who they are. With my third husband God blessed me with a wonderful son. He is my precious Kevin from Heaven, my gift from God. After my husband had many heart attacks, and numerous strokes, he left, we found he had gone to Florida and there he just disappeared one day and is assumed to be a casualty of a hurricane. So it has been Kev and I since he was 6 months old. So we went to church, still on the outside looking in, never quite fitting. Being in separate places all the time, in church and in our life outside the church. I tried to learn my place, but where was it? The Bible said one thing but life told me another. I learned to sit where I should, stand where I should, be involved where allowed, and to be as invisible as possible without completely disappearing. I longed for the Church I read of in the Bible, but I came to see it as a fantasy, maybe it had been real once, but not in this day and age. I wanted to be a women like the women in the Bible, but how, what did that mean. I read of women being loving, gentle, strong, industrious, humble, bold helpmeets and mothers. I read of passion and compassion. I read of children being cherished and seen as blessings. The greatest blessing that could be bestowed was a child and the deepest sorrow was when the blessing of a child was withheld. I read of men being men, strong powerful warriors. Fierce in the battle, yet gentle, passionate and compassionate at home. I read of sacrifice and carrying each others burden. I read of all working together, where none were invisible. The old teaching the young. I longed for what I read. I was accused of living in a “Leave it to Beaver” mentality, or even worse “Father knows Best” fantasy world. I became very numb. Yet deep down in the very core of who I was burned the love and worship of my Lord, Master and Savior. I yearned for and longed for others with a fire so deep it burned to get out, my need and longing to belong, never died it just got deeper and deeper, as the outside got more and more numb. I began to question, whether I should even read the Bible. I was not learned I had never gone to college or seminary. I was just a high school dropout who had gone back and gotten my GED. Maybe I was taking the Bible too literally. Maybe I was wrong, maybe God really did not love me, and maybe I was not fitting in because I did not belong. I could be apart of the church , my part was the crazy eccentric, old maid of an aunt, no one wanted to claim, you all knew she was related, but mostly the family is secretly ashamed of her and just wish she’d go away. For years that is what our place in church was like. If we went, fine, but if we didn’t no one really noticed. We were part of the invisible, visible. During this time God blessed me with one very dear Christian friend. She is 12 years younger than I, yet she is light years ahead of me in her relationship with God. She is my friend, my sister, a mentor and I love her. I am grateful for her. I see in her a true Proverbs 31 woman. She adores her husband, honors him, his parents and hers. She loves her children; she teaches them and guides them with a strength that is amazing. She loves me with a grace and compassion that sometimes takes my breathe away. She is used of God and she rejoices in her life. She struggles and she is real. I know her husband thanks God for her, he sits in the gate, because she is at home. Her children adore her. The Lord put this Dear One in my life at a time when I did not even know what it meant to be a friend, let alone have one. I had no idea what relationship looked like, all mine were an inch deep and a mile wide. Shallow was all I knew. After almost 7 years, this relationship is deep and growing deeper everyday. (The Lord has used her to find my sister and my children. They are all alive and doing alright. I pray they each will come to know the Lord.) We talk at least once a day we even talk when we are on vacation, and then we hold out for every 2-3 days. There is accountability and real love there. We can tell just from the sound of our voices how we are doing. She is my best friend and she is my sister. I have found that the blood of Christ is stronger and deeper and binds us together, more than any other blood. Almost 3 years ago this Dear One and her Precious husband sent my son and I to “Renew the Family Camp” in Glorietta New Mexico, sponsored by Reformation Church in Castle Rock, CO. We went reluctantly and only because this dear sister called the pastor and asked him to watch out for us. A precious family caravanned with us, without them I would have turned back and not gone. Looking back I see God wanted us there. What happened was life altering.
In that one week I saw something that was alive and breathing. It was moving and active, loving, passionate and compassionate. There were people from all over the country there, I saw the CHURCH the Body of Christ. It is alive and it takes you in. It is not proud or boastful, it is not vain and it does not compete with itself. It is real and for one precious week we were apart of it. We were not eating table scraps, there was meat on the bone, fruit was plump and fresh, and bread was hot and fragrant. There is a feast a real banquet and we were welcomed. Room was made at the table, not a separate table but right there in the middle. What a glorious intoxicating time. Then it was time to go home. Would we still be welcome, we were told we would be. We came home and went back to our church, the contrast was painful. Cautiously we visited Reformation Church. I did not trust what I saw there, so we went back and forth for, probably longer than we should have. I kept waiting for the rejection to come. We went to Family Camp the next year, and shortly after that we joined the church. My teenage son who had become a Christian a few years before was struggling and he continued to struggle for a time. He became a communicate member this past Mother’s Day. Oh the joy that is in my heart. I see him developing relationship with the men in the Body. The Body is alive; it is the Bride preparing for her groom, her Lord, her Master. It surpasses all human understanding; it is magical, mysterious, and holy. We are part of the body and we fit.
For the first time I have family and even the eccentric are wanted. I have a place in the body and I fit. I am served and I am able to serve. What a joy it is to serve. I have a husband, because He says He is husband to the widow, my son has a Father, because He says He is father to the fatherless. I am learning to love being a woman, because that is what He made me to be. I’m no longer afraid to love or to be loved. Love is not cruel or mean. There is glorious accountability and relationship. Real live involved in your life day in and day out relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it is often uncomfortable and heart wrenching, but it is real and it is deep. It is LOVE. The men have reached out to my son, and he is learning to be a man. He has relationships, accountability, painful, beautiful in your life relationship and it shows. He respects, honors and knows God chastens those He loves. And He loves us. I have seen a heart that was hard as stone, turn fleshy and pliable. I see him seeking out the men who love him and I see his heart turning to God. I see the Deacons and the Elders, reaching out to both of us, and being the “husband to the widow and the father to the fatherless. I see the Body is not limited by human boundaries but that it is bound by the love of Christ. There is mentorship, and involvement in our lives. Precious who have their own families , yet who still have time to make sure we have food on our table, and who take the time to call and or go do things with my son. I see The love of God every day thru these men and their precious families. God is alive and well and living in the hearts of His Church.
We are loved, and we love. Trials come and He is there. He is honing and tempering, He is sculpting, and yes it hurts from time to time. Sometimes I still rebel and He forgives me when I repent and I know that He still loves me. I know there is a Master plan and that it is perfect, because He is perfect. I am grateful, loved and blessed. I am still learning, learning to rejoice in all things.
I am starting to see a vision, a vision of family to glorify the Lord. I am seeing it in the heart of my son, and to think, that 49 years ago He put it into the heart of a prostitute to give her baby life and not death. I pray that He will bring forth mighty men of God and mighty daughters who will be pillars. He has and is building a firm foundation and only He knows what He will do with such a beginning.
I do not know what He has in store for me, but I know that He is faithful to continue the good work He has begun in me.

(foot note)
I have a total of 7 children -4 boys and 3 girls, slowly the Lord is allowing me to have contact with them and to know they are well. I have not connected with them all yet, but I KNOW God knows and somehow that has to be and is enough.

My favorites

2008-08-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Let me explain al ittle why I have listed the sites and blogs I have.
All Quartets radio, becouse I LOVE the sound of a good quartet and this has been such a blessing to me, I ran across it one night when I could not sleep. What joy.
The Ben Zornes Band, we have known this young man and his family for many years, it is a joy to see the man he has become. He comes from a loving, sold out for Christ, strong, Christian , home schooling family. And he teaches my son guitar lessons.
Reformation Church, this is our home church, this is our family. What I love about this body are the relationships. This is a living , breathing ,alive body. When you are asked "How are you doing?" They really want to know. There is love and discipline. We meet in Castle Rock, but we live as far north as Ft. Collins and as far south as Colorado Springs, and all points in between. What is amazing is the closeness of the body.We are involved in each others lives. The women love being women, and the men are real men. This is a body of servants, the Elder's and Deacon's are in love with and devoted to God, these men lead, they lead the church, but first they lead their families. We are a family integrated church,which means we worship as families, we are not seperated to the four corners of the church. Families being families what a novel concept. I am so grateful God led me to this place almost 3 years ago.
Fruitful Vine Creations what can I say ? This is the family buisness of one of the families in our church, BEAUTIFUL. My dear sister Tonja, does incredible work. This family is such a blessing to me. Please check out their buisness, you will love it too.
HSLDA wow, that is all I can say talk about being on the front lines, I thank the Lord for Homeschool Legal Defense.
Vision Forum and Doug Phillips blog. More than conquerers.
Generations with Kevin Swanson, listen and you will hear how we are blessed most every Sunday. Kevin and Dave are 2 of our Elder's at Reforamation Church. Listen , I Dare You! Talk about speaking out in truth and light.
I will comment later on more of my favorites, please check thes out, you will be blessed!

Love Story

2008-07-24T09:29:00.001-07:00

I would like to share with you a true love story. A story of Love, between One God and one woman.
This woman was born to a prostitute, torn from a beloved sister and abandoned. Adopted into abuse & rejection. Married into physical, psychological and sexual abuse. Separated from her own dear children . She lived with and became an alcoholic and drug addict. She was told all her life that she was a mistake, not good enough and that she was disposable.
This God pursued, courted, loved, cherished, listened to, died for and rose again for this woman. I know, because I am this woman. One day He reached into the depths of my pain and anguish. He held me in His arms and soothed my tortured soul. He breathed everlasting life into me. He became my Love, my Life, my Lord and my Savior.
The world and the evil one will lie to you, reject you and abuse you. They will try to condemn and destroy you. The Lord, Jesus Christ, speaks truth, forgiveness and Love. He shows grace and mercy.
YOU ARE LOVED!
I know this because He loves me. He longs to restore your soul and refresh you. The world will continue to reject and even hate you for His sake. But you will NEVER again be alone or unloved.
You too can know my God. His name is JESUS CHRIST and He has
done it all for you.
Won’t you
COME FOLLOW HIM?

Beside me all the way!

2008-07-23T03:33:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since the last post. My precious Kevin is now 15 years old. It does not seem possible, what an icredible blessing you are to me. My gift for God, Kevin from heaven, I thank the Lord everyday for you. I have and am learning so much thru you. Since the day ofd your birth I have prayed for you and for your future bride and her family,now what a joy to see that you have made a vow of purity and are praying for your future bride and her family as well. the Lord is preparing your heart to become a husband and father one day. I am amazed at the man you are becoming. When I look at all 6ft 3in of you I still can see the 8lb 9oz 21 1/2 inch baby I held for the first time July 14,1993. Has it really been 15 years? The time has flown, and I have cherished every moment of it. I did not plan on being a single mom with a 6 month old baby, but God was not taken unaware and He has been with us every step of the way, and what an exciting way it has been. He has been faithful.
I am amazed by your compassion for others and by the sweetness of your heart. Your willingness to help others and to serve is such a sweet song to my heart. Dear Kevin, you are a blessing to your mother, and it is my great joy in being called Mom.
Something else has happened that I cannot say I was joyous about, as those closest to me know I have had along running fear of doctors, and I avoid them at all costs. Well God does not give us a spirit of fear right? Well I have had chronic pain now for about 8 years, but the time since just about a week before Memorial Day has been at an all time high, and I just could not take anymore. So with much prompting and the love of the Body of Christ , I finally surrendered and went to the doctor's. Thank you, LuCinda for going with me, and to your family, who let me borrow their mom, at 48 I needed a mom myself to be with me. Well, I now have some direction and answers, I am type 2 diabetic and possible fibromyalgia and possibly some other stuff. We are working on the diabetes first.I am on medication now and with some direction, and help and support it looks as though I may have some help in my ongoing battle with my weight. I have tried everything I could find, turns out that my own body has been working against me. Wow, who would have thought? Then I get to thinking, isn't that how I have been when I follow sin? I profess Christ and then I work against Him when I sin. I must fall on my face daily at the foot of the cross and thank God for His faithfulness to me, when I am not so faithful. What a truly Awesome God. Such amazing grace and love He has shown me, and what a joy to know that He is beside me all the way.

Just Mom

2008-07-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

A dear sister in Christ sent this to me today, I do not know who the author is. I did not write it but I love it. I love being a mom and I am so glad and grateful God has called me to this high calling. Please read this and enjoy, if anyone knows who wrote this please let me know so we can give credit where credit is due. First and foremost I thank the Lord for the wonderous job of motherhood. To God be all Praise and Glory!

JUST A MOM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is, " explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a ..?" "Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom." "We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, housewife' covers it," Said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself
in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." " What is your occupation?" she probed.. What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,"just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 mo nth old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!! “I also think it makes Aunts”
“Associate Research Assistants."
May your troubles be less, Your blessing be more,
And nothing but happiness comes through your door!

Everywhere I look I see my Daddy!

2008-07-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine was talking to me today as she was preparing to sell a car she had that had been her father’s. It has now been a year since he went Home to be with the Lord, and she was remembering him. It was very sweet to hear her as she cleaned, as she remembered him sitting here, or doing that, she just chattered along. Then she said something that made my heart skip a beat,she said, “Everywhere I look I see my Daddy.” As she said these precious words my soul cried out ME TOO! You see everywhere I look I see my Daddy, My Heavenly Father. He is the One my soul yearns for, the One whose lap I crawl into and it is His arms I long to have around me. As she spoke, I heard the great love in her voice; she had for her daddy, also the deep pain that he was no longer with her. Death is very painful, even when you know that a loved one is with the Lord, and you will see them again. I have known the pain of the loss of loved ones, I have seen the passing of my parents, my husband and I have known the pain of miscarriage. The separation is painful and the loss very real, yet somehow as time goes on, you can remember and smile and the sweetness of the relationship comes back, and strange as it may sound you learn to embrace the pain. The remembering is bittersweet at times. The joy is tempered by pain and the pain is tempered by the love. What a comfort to know that my Lord, my Master, my God, my Savior knows these things too. Everywhere I look, I too see my Daddy, my Heavenly Father. If I am His and He is mine then He is always with me, because He said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” He is my High tower and my Shelter from the Storm.
I love my parents because they loved me. They were the first ones to show me love. When I had my children, I fell hopelessly in love each and every time I looked into that precious face, or help that dear sweet baby. I have come to see that my limited love is as nothing, compared to the love of God. How much more Love has my Heavenly Father shown me than any earthly father ever could? My heavenly Father loves me completely, and He prepared the only way for me to return to Him, thru the shed blood of His Only Begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have, everlasting life. He loves each and every one of His children and He loved us first. It was because of His love that He chose to become man, to live and to
die. Because He is God, perfect and sinless to Rise again and sit on His Throne. He and He alone was able to pay the Blood Price for sin, He knows every tear that falls. Now that is LOVE. I don’t know why He chose me, but I know I am glad He did.

“Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus,
Because He first loved me!”

Long Country roads

2008-07-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

Sticking with it!

2008-07-05T14:11:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about what this July 4th means to me this year. I thought back to our Founding Fathers, and what must have been on their hearts and minds and the motivation, behind the decisions they made. What I saw was a love of God and family,perseverance and sacrifice. What motivated them 232 years ago to write the Declaration of Independence, and what motivates many of us today are the same things. Love of God and of family. Is God someone I have a relationship with or just a pretty coat I put on when I feel like it, to impress others. Is God real to me? Do I sacrifice and persevere? I have been learning from my precious son, Kevin( my gift from heaven) he has been preparing for a 5k run/walk these past 3 weeks. That is 3.1 miles. He has been training on country roads all by himself, he asked 4 different people if they wanted to train with him, 3 said no, the other as quickly as he saw just how far 3.1 miles was,quite also. Kevin who loves to sleep was out either at 6:30 am or 7 pm training. The first time he did 1 mile it took him an hour. Wednesday the 2ndof July he did 5 k in 1 hour 17 min. Yesterday , the 4th he did his first 5k walk/run with precious family from our church and finished in 56 min. Here are some pictures of him on these long lonely country roads.(don't look at the dates on the pictures, I don't know how to set the date?) and then Kev, ready to cross the finish line with, Daniel and Jeannie w/Hawkeye. He preservered and he finished the race, the race started out on those country roads not at the starting line. There was preparation and sacrifice, long before recorded finish. I am seeing that there is still the race to be run, many have gone before me. I have a heritage of honor that came before me, and a heritage of honor that is coming after me, I will not be found wanting. I see my son develping relationship with God and with others. He loves his family, not just his earthly family, but his family, that is the body of Christ. He is learning to make decisions that may require sacrfice and perserveance. There maybe times when none will go with him, but he will do what he knows in his heart to be right. He is learning much more than being able to travel 3.1 miles, he is learning how to be a man. I am seeing the transformation from a boy to a man, and I am very blessed. There will be many lessons along the road and I pray that he will continue in grace and honor. I am so grateful to all who have encouraged him along the way, he is looking forward to next year. He wants to finish in under 20 min next year. I'm sure he will, and I am sure he will learn many other lessons along the way. I asked him what went through his mind out on those country roads all by himself, he said he sang songs to the Lord and prayed, and he was appreciating all that God has done for him in his life. Maybe we all need long lonely country roads , that really aren't so lonely.

Repeating lessons

2008-07-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

This is another piece I had written a year or so ago and it came back to me today. I was reading through some of my past writings and came across this. I came to realize how far the Lord has brought me, but I see there is still soooo much more work to do. I keep working on attitude with my son and I see my Father is working on attitude with me. I was getting frustrated, thinking, just how many times do we have to takkle this lesson, and then I relized, God has been working with me for 48 years, I've only been working with my son for 14.( he will be 15 on 7/14) My pastor has spoken of dilligence, well God sure has been dilligent with me, and I have been known to grumble and complain.( oh no not another lesson not learned) Oh will I ever learn?

Living with the Lunatic in My Mirror

STOP your anger. Turn off your wrath.
Don’t fret and worry, it only leads to harm
Psalm 37:8
I have been told, “Write what you know.” Well, I know anger, frustration and sin. Frustration (that is fret & worry) and the anger that comes from it is sin.
Today as I stormed through my house, in the middle of a conflict with my 12- year old son, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. What I saw there was not pretty, loving or even sane. What I saw was what I had seen on my mother’s face when I was a child. A look that had made my blood curdle in fear and later boil in rage. It was also the same look I had seen on the dear face of my son as he screamed in defiance and frustration. It was the look of being out of control and not having a clue. I had learned it as a child, and taught it as a mother.
I’d like to tell you that it stopped me dead in my tracks, but I can’t. It was only later, after we were in separate parts of the house & each of us stewing in our pain & frustration, that my Heavenly Father brought the images to my mind’s eye, of my mother, my son and myself. At first my heart was broken and I was horrified, oh if only I could have stayed in a broken state. But NO! I had to make excuses and try to justify myself. “I’m a single mom and I’m trying so hard to be everything to everyone. Mom, Dad, homemaker, cook, chauffer, employee, choir member, secret sister, friend. It is all too much and I am only one person, Don’t I DESERVE respect and help? Of course I am going to yell and get ugly sometime!”
Even as I was thinking these things, I knew that I was wrong. I have choices and sometimes I have made poor ones. I had to handle everything by myself because I had chosen to. I am a child of The King, He promises to be Husband to the widow and Father to the fatherless. I was not consulting my Heavenly Husband. I had not taken the son He had blessed me with back to his Heavenly Father. I was in sin. My anger and frustration came directly from my sin.
Oh! How thankful I am to have a God, who is faithful, loving and patient. He forgives and corrects me. His Love is perfect and complete. He promises that He will love me even when I am the “Lunatic in the Mirror.”

Treasure Hunt

2008-07-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

Where are they? What could I have done with them? Not again! Not Now! We are going to be late. UGGGGGG! I have to find them, right now. Okay! STOP Breathe, In, Out. Think. Where did I have them last? Last night, I came in from the store, where is my purse? They are not in my purse… Bathroom! No, not there. Kitchen! I put the Milk away are they in the refrigerator? No! Oh I am so not in the mood for a scavenger hunt. How can I be so careless? How many times have I said to Kevin, “If you put things away you won’t have to go looking for them.” Now is not the time for my own words to come back to haunt me. Okay keep looking, they could not have just gotten up and walked away. Now is not the time to panic. BREATHE! IN! OUT! IN! OUT! Where next? Pantry? NO! Freezer. The little one? Of course not, the big one. The one that I just dump everything into. How will I ever find anything in there? KEVIN, GET ME A COUPLE BOXES AND THE EMPTY LAUNDRY BASKET WOULD YOU PLEASE? Here put the meat in that one, the veggies over there hey look some apples we froze 2 years ago. They still look okay, leave those out and we’ll fix an apple crisp for dinner. What am I doing? What do you mean what am I’m doing? I’m cleaning out the freezer, what does it look like I’m doing? Late? Late for what? Oh yea! Well I can’t find the keys. Help me look for them, Please? You have them? They were on the floor and the cat was playing with them? Oh what a precious boy you are! Thank you so much for picking them up! What would I do without you? Well, we better hurry and dump all this back into the freezer! I’ll organize it later.
I went looking for keys and found a treasure. My son! The precious gift from my Lord, my child. I am supposed to be teaching you, grace, forgiveness, mercy and love. You have and are showing me so much more than I have you. I am amazed how each and everyday I am given so much more than I could have ever asked. It amazes and humbles me to see how much I have to learn, and how so many times the Lord uses the mouth and heart of a precious child to teach me.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 18:1-4

Are You SANE?

2008-07-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

I knew I was in trouble today, because by 9:13 am in I was calling a very busy home schooling mother of 6 small children to ask “ARE YOU SANE?” and hoping she would answer yes, because I was not. But guess what? She was not home. What was I to do? I stopped, took a deep
breath, put pen to paper, prayed, thanked my Heavenly Father for the insanity (in all things give thanks) and then started to write.
I wonder if He does let the crazy and out of control times come into my
life, so that I realize I am not god and that He is.
For the past few weeks situations and problems have been coming at me
like paintballs.( see how my teenage son has influenced me?) They don’t hurt when they miss you but when they hit, Oweee! All around me, I see the splats from the misses and I have some of the spray on me from the near misses. I know some should have been direct hits, but my “Shield of Protection” must have been in place, and I didn’t even know it.
Today at this moment in time my Sword of the Spirit is my pen and God is wielding it. When I sat down to write I thought this was going in one direction, but the Lord is taking it in another. He is reminding me that everyday I am in a battle, whether I realize it or not. What a powerful image, He has brought to my heart and mind, I live everyday on a battlefield.
It has become so familiar that I have forgotten, this is not my home. I have been here so long that I have tried to decorate it and put in flowers and make it pretty, but when I realized my salvation and began to follow Jesus, He gave me a new home. All the work that I do on my own is for nothing; it is just trampled flowers on a battlefield. His work is what counts. He is the One who dresses me for the battle. He is the One who trains me, and He is the Only Commander-in-Chief that I know of, who is on the battlefield with me, leading, guiding, healing & comforting.
So today I will put on the Full Armor of God & follow the Only One
who is truly Sane!

I wrote this 2 years ago and it is still very true.

2008-06-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

Leaky –Eye Syndrome
Fact or Fiction
Nancy Kidwell
7/21/06

According to my dear friend and Sister-in-Christ (Stephanie), this is a real syndrome, and I have it. No, she is not a Doctor, but she has not only diagnosed but also named this ailment. Okay, she has known me for a few years now and she does speak to me almost every day, so, maybe she might have something here, but please don’t tell her that.
I do cry a lot, I choke up at the smallest thing and I even laugh till I cry. (Pattern? Maybe) But there is a joy, a real deep down, where did this come from, all the way past your toes joy in my life. And a gratitude that goes way past attitude, and Peace, unthinkable, unstoppable, unexplainable Peace. Now don’t for one minute think that my life is without ups and downs, twists and turns and loopdy-loops. What I am saying is that WHATEVER happens, God always brings me back to His peace and His joy.
When I write, I cry, when I read the WORD, I cry, when I hear or sing praises to the Lord, I cry. When I am disobedient, and or don’t write, I cry, when I’m upset, I cry, when I pull away from the Lord, I cry. (Pattern again?)
Tears are precious and I was taught that tears and emotions were signs of weakness and therefore wrong. I can tell you that when I am weak, He is strong, and that my Lord, my Savior, my Jesus wept. When was the last time? we wept for His sake, for His love, for His children?
I have wept for my own pain, for my breaking heart when my beloved went home to the Lord. I wept when my children were gone. I wept when all was lost and I stood naked, bruised, bloody and beaten at the foot of the Cross. I wept as my Savior washed me with His Blood. I wept as He called me His own. I wept as my name was written in the “Lamb’s Book of Life”.
I am learning to weep for His lost and dying children. He has given me emotion, real emotion and a burden for others. So if I do indeed have “Leaky-Eye Syndrome”, I tell you it is all His fault. He is giving me His Love and His Compassion for others. I Thank Him. I pray that He will teach me to truly weep for His lost and dying children, and that He will see fit to use me
however He chooses to reach them for Him.
I want to be found willing as Mary was in Luke 1:38 LB “Mary said; I am the Lord’s servant, and I am willing to do whatever He wants.”

Sadly often times I find myself questioning and rebelling.Please Lord continue the good “leaks” You have begun in me.

Snap Shots of my Life

2008-06-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have found that I live in the moment, from moment to moment. My day has many ups and downs and twists and turns, just like any good roller coaster ride. It is comforting to know that my Lord is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I am not, and I need that Solid Ground under me.
This is my Spiritual Scrapbook and these are the Snap Shots I am filling it with. I pray the Lord will use His handmaiden and her follies to Glorify Himself.
As you will see I am a redeemed sinner and that I struggle day to day with all that comes my way. I believe that God has called me to Himself and has asked me to share with others His incredible Love. I am humbled that He has chosen me, as His own and I pray that He will be exhalted and glorified. It’s okay if you forget me, but
Please Know that He Loves You, and the HE PAID the BLOOD PRICE for you. Do not forget Him, He has not forgotten you.

A Daughter of the King!